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日志


8月9日

强悍的包子!

偶尔发现了这两部包子短片,非常的强悍加可爱!国人太有才了!!

 

 
5月7日

The Congregation

I will formally have my Doctor degree at 16th May, 2009. After a long time of working on my thesis and gaining industry experience, I finally reach this point as a natural result.

I still can feel the excitment when I arrived in Cambridge the first time a few years ago. Leaving the unhappiness behind, I was very excited to see a new begining of my life and a very different PhD course. I really enjoy the Cambridge experience and love the university very much. Time flies and many things fade away, but I am very sure I will always have a vivid memory for this part of my life.

So for friends from China, US, UK or somewhere on the Earth, you are all welcomed to the Senate House at 16th May 2009 to attend my congregation, where we can catch up on what's going on in this busy world.


2月16日

非常好玩:耶稣的实习期(zz)

耶稣之死
也不知道是否完全符合征文要求,匆匆写来玩玩,适合圣经熟悉人士阅读。如有冒犯,请不要对号入座,本文纯属虚构。

耶路撒冷寒风习习,这是地球上有史以来最悲惨的一天,就在这一天,耶稣基督告诉他的门徒,他将要去赴死。以利的心情是又痛苦又欣喜。

他不是耶稣的十二门徒,他要高于十二门徒——他和耶稣从小长到大,简直就是他的死党,也只有他才真正地知道,耶稣的老爸就是上帝。

“夫子,离开耶路撒冷,我们去伯利恒吧,我们不能失去您!”一次聚餐时,以利曾这样恳求他。

“不行。”救世主回答说,“我的命运已经被注定,我的死期近了。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“为什么?”

“为了拯救世人。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“但是您活着可以救更多的人!”

“闭嘴!”耶稣恼怒地说,“我从上头下来时,这件事情就定下了,任何人无法更改。我的下放实习期只有那么长时间。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
以利花了很长时间来接受这个现实,最后他小声地提了一个问题:“您会怎么离开我们?”

救世主耶稣基督挠挠头:“这个事情么……老爸倒没明文规定。他希望我来个轰轰烈烈的死法把事情闹大一点,比如坐在马车里被人刺杀搞起
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
一场战争什么的。但难得死一次,我可不想死得那么难受。”

“我的主,您想怎样行事?”以利急切地问。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“恩……或许上个法庭,在舒适的牢房里住上两个星期,最后在与朋友们谈论哲学的时候喝下毒酒是个比较好的选择。”救世主开心地说,“

很有文化气息,更重要的是,不疼。把那杯麦酒拿过来,再撕一块面包给我。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
————————————————————————————————————————————————————————————

酒过三巡,耶稣拿着几枚铜币偷偷离席了。别人都不知道他的去向,只有身为耶稣死党的以利知道,他大概又去找那个叫玛利亚,来自抹大拉的妓女了。门徒们见耶稣离开了,于是也纷纷散去。以利独自走在乡间的小路上,一路上怅然所失,直到一个声音在他耳边响起。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“以利!”那个声音苍老而慈祥。

“谁?”以利转身四顾,小路上一个人都没有。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“我从上头来的。”那个声音简单地说道。

以利敬畏地跪下去,脑袋中的绝大部分都被虔敬所充满,剩下的那块脑细胞则在暗自欣喜——自己终于当先知了。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“我很忙,”上头的声音说,“咱们长话短说,你是我儿子的朋友是吗?”

“是的,主。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“他今天刚刚告诉你,他的下放实习期就快结束了?”

“是的,主。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“他告诉你他打算怎么回来吗?”

“是的,主。夫子他打算经受一场牢狱,最后边谈论哲学边喝毒酒。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“我早告诉他过,这种死法已经有人用过了。”上头的声音似乎有点小生气,“他还是不肯用我建议的方法吗?”

“马车里那个方法?他不肯,主。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“也罢,这个点子我很喜欢,迟早我要来一次。”上头的声音突然严肃起来,“你要告诉他,他的实习成绩很差。他的绩效指标是作王一千年,但现在连他家乡的人都不听他的话,如果不能靠这次的死法赚回一点分数,那他的成绩就是不及格。”

以利敬畏地回答,“我明白了,主。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“不,你还不明白。我要你帮忙去说服他换个流芳百世的死法。”

“主,夫子怎么可能听我的呢?您为什么不直接和他说呢?”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“白痴!”上头的声音怒了,“哪个青春期的儿子肯听老爸的话?比起老爸来,兄弟的话更有说服力!”

“那么,请主赐给我伶俐的舌头好去说服夫子。”以利乞求道。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“你要的不是舌头,而是知识……”上头的声音似乎在考虑什么,“我决定了,我把你送去上学,回来后你就能替他设计出一个完美的死法了。”

“主……可是……”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“我都替你操办好了,去吧!”上头的声音刚落,以利就觉得一道光笼罩住了自己,大地、重力及整个世界都消失了。在晕厥过去之前,以利听到的最后一句话是,“替他赢过默罕默德那小子!”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
正如同以利不知道自己什么时候开始会说美式英语一样,尤斯佛教授也不知道自己班里什么时候进了一个巴勒斯坦插班生。前两天那个穆斯林插班生来的事情她也完全事先不知情,她有点恼火,看来什么时候要找教务处的人好好谈谈。她检查了一下这个新学生的资料,所有的证件、证明一应俱全,而且看落款,全部都是同一天内签发出来的,她耸耸肩,官僚机构几个世纪来从未如此高效率过,看来这个插班生上头有人。

“以利同学,欢迎进入新奥尔良商学院,我是尤斯佛·摩马斯特,”尤斯佛教授欢迎他说,“不知道你之前在哪所学校就读?”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
以利还在思索旧奥尔良是个什么东西,突然被问道之前的学校,他只能支吾地说:“恩……恩……我原来在伯利恒那边……”

“以色列的圣玛门商学院?”尤斯佛教授设法掩饰她的鄙夷之情,“他们的东西太理论化,我这边才是真正实用的东西。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“恩……实用?”以利想到了他的任务,“尤斯佛教授,你们这边还研究怎么弄死人吗?”

尤斯佛教授眨了眨眼睛,“弄死人?”她想到了当下的次贷危机,以及持续上扬的失业率和自杀率,“对,学商的人都很擅长。以利,我喜欢你的幽默。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“真的?”以利兴奋了,“那赶紧上课吧,我赶时间。”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
新奥尔良商学院一向标榜自己“网络全球人才”,它的师资力量来自世界各地,以利上的第一堂品牌运营课的老师崔迪逊先生就是一个英国人。“品牌,”崔迪逊先生在课堂上说,“就是对旧有传统的实体化。旧有的传统是虚无空泛的,只有把它凝聚成品牌,才能具有顽强的竞争力。”他指着教室角落里的一个穆斯林打扮的学生,“穆萨先生,给我们据个例子,说明下新生品牌是如何打败其他旧有传统的?”

这个叫穆萨的学生似乎有点心不在焉,“恩……恩?”他说。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
崔迪逊先生脸色有点不好看,他对穆萨的同桌说:“你来替他说?”

“恩……旧有传统?”这个同桌想了下,“有名目的宗教取代了无名目的先祖信仰?”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“虽然不是个商业上的例子,但还是很贴切。”崔迪逊先生脸色好看了点,“以信仰为例,当宗旨明确的宗教出现后,部落的先祖信仰就消逝了,因为前者有名字,有品牌,而后者什么都没有。”

“您能具体说说吗?”以利发言道,“有关宗教,比如耶稣的宗教?”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“注意你的话,以利先生。”崔迪逊先生正视他道,“搞商业的不能牵扯到任何信仰与道德,我们在这里不能谈论这些,你刚才说的那个名字也不能再提。”

他的死亡必须成为品牌。以利在笔记本上记下了这句话,用的是漂亮的古希伯来花体字。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
—————————————————————————————————————————————————

“你刚才到哪里去了?”耶稣生气地说,“这个月是你负责的采购,但我们的酒都喝完了!”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“恩……我主,您不是能把水变成酒吗?”以利怯生生地回答。

“我只能变葡萄酒,”救世主气鼓鼓地回答,“但我更喜欢大口地喝麦酒!你刚才去哪里了?一整天都见不到你人。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
以利回答说:“我蒙召去替上帝办差了。”

“老爸?他要你干什么?”耶稣的语气充满疑惑。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“恩……我被主送到一个神奇的地方,上了几节课。一下课,我就又被送回来了。”

“上什么课?”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“恕我直言,”以利知道不应该欺骗救世主,于是就壮着胆子直说了,“那里的教授教我怎么安排您的死亡。”

“教授?”耶稣露出茫然的神色。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“相当于我们这边的拉比。”

耶稣恍然大悟:“拉比们教了你什么?”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“恩……”他努力回想着,“您的死亡必须成为品牌。”

“品牌是什么意思?”耶稣问。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“额……”以利的脑门渗出了一层细汗,说实话,几个小时的课上,崔迪逊先生根本没解释什么叫“品牌”——在他看来,这个太基本了,不值得浪费口舌再解释一遍。“品牌……大概就是招牌。”

“招牌?挂在酒馆门口的那种?”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“对,我主,这样的话,所有的人都会看到您的牺牲,他们都会被感动,然后汇聚到您的名下。”

“好主意!”耶稣赞许道,“我要设计一个与众不同的招牌,任何人看到后,都能铭记我做出的牺牲,直至千年。”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“如您所愿。”以利深深下拜,然后赶回了自己的家。他要早点睡觉,明天一早还要去上课呢。

—————————————————————————————————————————————————
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“别听昨天那约翰牛的废话。”经营策略课是由尤斯佛教授自己来讲的,她似乎对崔迪逊先生上节课说的品牌传统论相当不屑。“人如其名,崔迪逊先生非常非常地传统——换一句话说,他已经落伍了。想获得成功的人,都必须学会蔑视传统。”

“为什么这么说?”下面有人提问。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“很简单,每个人都有自己叛逆的欲望。”她回答道,“但限制于传统的束缚,很少有人敢于充分表现自己的叛逆面。但如果有谁做了别人都想做而不敢做的事情,那么他就会成为公众偶像。佐罗本质上只是个强盗,但他却成了所有人的偶像。”

“您说的是一个虚构的人物。”有学生反对道。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“当然,但不可否认,监狱里的男性囚犯被女性求爱的概率是自由男性的四倍。”尤斯佛教授说,“这是有权威调查数据支持的,因为大家都觉得一个叛逆的男人更具有吸引力,特别是性吸引力。”

“您能解释一下为什么违反传统会产生吸引力吗?”以利举手问道。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
“很容易解释。我还准备了道具。以利先生,请站过来,面对着大家,好的,谢谢。”她引导以利站到讲台前面,以便让大家能看到他的脸部表情。“给你看几张照片。”

她出示了几张照片,其中有特雷莎修女、南丁格尔、居里夫人、维多利亚女王,都是一本正经、裹得严严实实的老女人。以利疑惑不解地浏览着这些图片,纳闷地揣测着尤斯佛教授的意图。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
突然,一个年轻女人的照片出现在眼前——她嘴唇上一颗明显的美人痣、扎了一个雪白色的马尾辫,胸前有两个巨大的圆锥形物体向前突出,摆出了一个撩人的姿势。以以利的观点来看,衣着相当暴露。他的眼睛瞪得大大的,嘴巴不由自主地张了开来,有透明的液体自嘴角低下。以利保持这这个样子一动不动,半响说不出话,思维已经完全被这个女人带来的视觉冲击所击垮了。他甚至没有注意到台下的爆发的哄笑声。

“以利先生的反应……哈哈哈……比我想象的强烈得多,他一定……哈哈哈……是个老实人……” 尤斯佛教授一边徒劳地克制着爆笑的冲动,一边挣扎地把这句话说完:“麦当娜就是打破传统而成功的一个例子,大家明白了吗?哈哈哈哈……”
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
台下根本没人听她的,所有人都笑成一团,除了以利以外。后者正呆呆地看着麦当娜的照片,眼睛和嘴巴都张得大大的,一动不动。

更正一下,所有人都笑成一团,除了以利和穆萨以外。后者的表情和以利一摸一样,只不过他坐在教室最后排,没有人注意到他。
http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026096.html
当以利回到耶稣住处的时候,他着实被吓了一跳。好多人围在耶稣家门口,大声嚷嚷着什么。

“叫老板出来!我们要买酒!”一个醉醺醺的醉汉大声叫嚷着。

耶稣叉着腰堵在家门口,很生气地对围观地人说道:“再和你们说一遍,这里没老板!我们不是卖酒的!”

“如果不是卖酒的,为什么要挂这种招牌出来?”另一个醉汉指着耶稣家门口挂着的一块牌子,生气地说道。

耶稣很窘迫的样子,脸涨得通红,“反正我们什么都不卖!你们到别家去买酒吧!”http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

以利挤到近处一看,他家门口不知什么时候果然多出一块木头招牌,上面画着一个金黄色的酒杯,周围还描绘上了光芒。

耶稣看见以利,示意后者赶紧来帮自己一把。以利义不容辞地挤到耶稣身边,花费了许多口舌,好不容易把众人劝散了,以利赶紧把招牌给取下来了,以免惹出更大的麻烦。“我主,您怎么会把这么一个招牌放在外面的?”他问。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

耶稣的窘态更明显了,他支支吾吾地回答:“你不是告诉过我,我的死亡必须成为招牌吗?我就自己做了一个……”

一滴冷汗从以利的额头滑下:“这杯子是?” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“额……是毒酒的象征。”耶稣正色道,“这群愚民竟然认为我是卖酒的!”

“主啊,这的确与街口酒店的招牌很神似。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“哪里神似啦?比如说……恩……恩,”耶稣上下打量着招牌,“他们的酒杯可没有金黄色的光芒!”

以利决定不在这个问题上继续纠缠下去。“请容我说,主啊,您还决定采用那个死法吗?”他说道,“我觉得那不适合您。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“没有人能够让人子改变决定。”耶稣断然地说,“但是,我主,我有了一个更好的方法。”

“虽然我不会听,但你还是说吧。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“您觉得十字架如何?”以利充满期望地说,“风格叛逆,十字架容易做成招牌,而且围观者众多。”

耶稣皱皱眉头,“那是强盗的死法。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“您说对了!”以利回答,“那有助于增加您的阳刚之气,并且可以吸引舆论的注意。”

“会被脱光的!”耶稣抗议道。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“那会吸引很多女信徒。”以利说。

“很疼!”耶稣抗议道。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“我可以调点麻药给您喝。”以利说。

“在十字架上会上一两天都死不掉!”耶稣抗议道。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“我有个士兵朋友,他可以扎您一枪。”以利说。

“只有强盗才能上十字架!”耶稣抗议道。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“我可以帮您安排,我认识罗马少尉朗基努斯。”以利说。

“……”耶稣无声地抗议道。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

以利毫不畏缩地盯着他看。

“反正我就要喝毒酒死,谁也别管我。”耶稣被盯得受不了了,他气鼓鼓地站起来,也不管以利,径自出门右转走掉了,大概又是去找抹大拉的玛利亚去了。http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

当以利独自在房间里不知所措的时候,一个熟悉的声音从上头降临到他的脑海“看来你也说服不了他嘛。”

“我让您失望了,主。求您宽恕我。”以利跪下祈祷。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“相反,我对你的想法很有兴趣。”上头说,“我把我的独子交到你手里了,你可以任意待他。”

圣灵从天上降下落到以利身上,以利觉得自己被一种邪恶的勇气所充满了——他要把救世主钉上十字架。http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

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沟通交流课的老师据说来自中国淳朴的农村,但自从在一个叫“墙壁街”的地方浸淫数十年以后,郝先生就完全是一副“墙壁街”特有的样子了。http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“人们常说,沟通反映现实,但俺却不这么认为。”郝先生的英语仍然带有他故乡的乡音,“在俺的观念里,沟通创造现实!”

“什么叫沟通创造现实呢?”郝先生解释道,“俺们可以举哈根达斯的例子。你们谁没吃过哈根达斯冰激淋的,举手!”http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

以利左右看看,没有人举手,于是他就压抑下了举手的冲动。但是坐在后排的穆斯林穆萨先生举手了。

“好小伙,喏,接着!”郝先生用大拇指弹了一个一美元硬币给穆萨,“出门右转的路边小店,自己去买一桶尝尝吧。大家都知道,哈根达斯在这里是一种极其低档而普遍的品牌,但到中国去卖的价格,甚至超过了美国本土。但是那样离谱的高价,都有无数中国人去买,大家知道为http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

什么吗?请你回答,穆萨先生?”

“呃……呃……”穆萨依然是一副茫然的表情。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

郝先生摇摇头,用只有前排才听得到的声音嘟哝道:“肯定是乡下来的。”

然后他换上笑容,大声说:“不知道也没关系,答案很简单,它暗示中国人,哈根达斯是世界著名的贵族品牌。也就是说,它本身是什么无所谓,真正有所谓的是它告诉别人它自己是什么。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

以利发言说,“我告诉别人的任何事情,别人都会相信?这不太可能吧。”

“当然不会,我们还要学会伪装,也就是说至少要看上去可信。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“如果这件事情很难伪装呢?”

“那就把水搅浑。”郝先生愉快地说,“股票市场有那么多满口术语的金融分析师,你以为他们靠什么赚钱?他们的意见都是一半对一半的,如果真要追究预测成功率,至少有一半的分析师要下岗。他们的策略就是,用混乱的术语与复杂的计算关系把原本简单的股市搅浑,这样别人就搞不清楚他们谁的意见更正确,然后他们就都能持久地从中牟利了,这是一个集体骗局。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“骗局?这不道德吧。”以利皱皱眉头。

“道德?俺们搞经济的要啥道德!”郝先生用这句斩钉截铁的话结束了对话。http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

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那天放学回到耶路撒冷后,以利又和上帝聊了一次。借助上帝时间旅行的能力,以利在一个同傍晚之内做了很多安排。因为这些事情是同时发生的,所以一一记录如下:http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

一、“为了使基督更有慷慨赴死的哲学家气质,”以利给耶稣上了堂“行为礼仪课”。比如告诉耶稣,哲学家通常都喝葡萄酒而不喝卖酒,通常都管葡萄酒为自己的血,面饼则是自己的身体等等。当然,哲学家的这些特点都是以利虚构的。

二、他找到了耶稣十二弟子之一的犹大,向他透露了耶稣与抹大拉的玛利亚的长期暧昧关系。暗恋玛利亚的犹大悲愤异常,誓与耶稣老匹夫势不两立。以利又问犹大,为玛利亚赎身筹的钱还差多少,犹大回答还差三十银币。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

三、他化妆去了趟大祭司的家,绘声绘色地描绘了耶稣在自家门口鼓动暴民、企图破坏宗教秩序的异端行为。大祭司向自己手下一打听,果有此事,而且参与的暴民各个都是脾气暴烈的酒鬼,一旦造起反来危害甚大。大祭司感谢以利主动履行好市民的责任,请他作为内应,拘捕耶稣。以利婉拒,并提议说耶稣犯罪集团中的骨干成员犹大可以收买,作价三十银币。

四、以利去拜访了当时在耶稣门口吵闹的那群酒吧顾客,诓称耶稣因为卖甲醇酒毒死人被抓了,不日即将受刑。顾客们表示一旦时间地点确定,便会来旁观。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

五、以利再次拜访了耶稣,告诉他说,他和玛利亚的秘密暧昧关系被犹大发现了,后者正把这内幕透露给吟游诗人协会,以换取稿费。耶稣大骂犹大不地道,出卖师傅。

六、耶稣接受了以利的建议,决定召开一个派对,邀请十二位弟子赴宴。他计划在宴会上喝毒酒告别人世,同时拜托以利写本《以利篇》的对话集。以利替耶稣跑腿发了请帖,但却把写书的重担扔给了大徒弟西门保罗,而保罗也懒得写,把这事情推给了马可、马太、路加、约翰这四个小弟。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

七、由于以利的幕后撮合,犹大和大祭司的管家进行了良好而秘密的磋商,双方在友好的气氛下就出卖耶稣等一系列问题达成了共识。

八、以利最后去拜访的,是他小时候的邻居,罗马少尉朗基努斯,后者爽朗地答应了朋友的请求。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

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一切都结束后,以利就停了一切的工,躺下休息。他躺在自己的床上,悠闲地想,骨牌都已经摆放到位,只需要轻轻推一下,一切就会按计划进行。一切都进行得太完美了。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

他正想着,上头的声音又突然响起:“以利,你已经安排好了吗?”

以利翻身拜倒:“是的,主。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“新奥尔良商学院的课程还没结束,明天你不回去上课了吗?”

“不需要了,主。”以利回答,“我的任务已经完成,一切都安排好了。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“明天上课的可是韩国人哦~”

“不需要了,主,明天我要目睹我主升天。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

上头叹了口气,“好吧,但愿一切顺利。”

—————————————————————————————————————————————————http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

如祂所愿,一切出奇地顺利。耶稣的告别派对从晚餐开始,一直High到通宵达旦。“这是我的血,你们拿去喝。”醉熏熏的耶稣把葡萄酒递给门人,“这是我的身体,你们拿去吃。”他边说,边撕下一片面包,借着酒劲扔向犹大。

犹大正郁闷地坐在角落里,心里还犹豫是不是要背叛耶稣,猛不丁地被面包砸中了脸,顿时就火了,站起来想看是谁扔的,然后他就看见了耶稣醉红的脸正冲着自己不坏好意地微笑。犹大强忍怒火:“您喝醉了,夫子。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

耶稣看见犹大的脸,脑子里想象着犹大靠出卖基督的绯闻而换取金钱的样子,不觉心中愠怒。“你们中有人卖我了!”他突然大声喊道。

门徒们非常惊慌,一个个地问,“夫子,是我吗?” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

犹大也发问道:“夫子,是我吗?”

耶稣直视着他的眼睛,“你说得是。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

犹大心中一慌,既然基督已经知道了,犹大就再也没有犹豫的余地了。他悄悄从派对中离开,回来时,带领着大祭司及罗马士兵。

—————————————————————————————————————————————————http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

经过一夜审讯,第二天一早,耶稣就被判暴乱罪,钉上十字架处死。“我不能喝毒酒而死吗?”耶稣委屈地说,“我费心营造了一晚上的气氛,你们再晚一会冲进来抓人,我就已经把毒酒喝掉了。”

“想自杀来逃避审判,哪那么容易!”负责抓捕的朗基努斯少尉回答道,“来人,把他的十字架给他,他要自己背上山!” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

有人把十字架抬过来了,耶稣一看,就几乎昏倒——那十字架用最好的橡木制作的,做工精良气势雄伟,比一般的十字架更高大更结实,重量更是达到了一般十字架的四五倍。

“军爷,”耶稣带着哭腔问,“能给我个普通的十字架用用么?这个我背不动……”http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“哼!”朗基努斯不屑地回答了一句,“这可是别人花好多钱帮你特制的呢,别不领情了。”

耶稣正想开口再问,但无奈已经被压得说不出话了。http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

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日头升到半空的时候,耶稣终于把十字架背上了山头。一个叫彼拉多的罗马官员主持了行刑。“根据惯例,我要从罪犯里面特赦一个,”他说,“你们是要这个强盗巴拉巴呢,还是要这个耶稣?” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“耶稣,耶稣!”保罗他们在底下大喊,希望他们的夫子能免于一死。但他们的声音马上被另一种喊声压下去了。

“巴拉巴,巴拉巴!”一群愤怒的酒徒大喊道,边喊边挥舞着酒瓶。迫于这群人的威势,其他人也跟着一起喊了起来。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“那我要拿耶稣怎么办呢?”彼拉多问。

“钉十字架!钉十字架!”酒鬼们喊。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

彼拉多无奈,示意朗基努斯上前把耶稣钉上去。

—————————————————————————————————————————————————http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

耶稣钉上去以前,向军士们恳求道:“请容我喝一杯临行酒。”

听闻这话,一旁的一个门徒赶紧递上一杯早已准备好的酒。这杯酒就是当时耶稣没来得及喝的毒酒。虽然耶稣觉得在这里服毒自杀很没面子,但好歹不用忍受那疼痛。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

朗基努斯暗地里笑了笑,这些伎俩以利早就嘱咐过了。他从杯子旁走过,装作不小心的样子碰翻了那酒。“不好意思啊,”他假惺惺地道歉,然后重新倒了一杯用苦胆调制过的酒给耶稣。

耶稣见毒酒已经倒掉了,就不肯喝了。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

军士们把他扒光了,抬到了那个精致的十字架上,用钉子钉住,又按照以利的嘱咐,用海绵吸了强效麻药,绑在苇子上,送给耶稣尝,耶稣尝了麻药,就感觉不到疼痛了,他在十字架上无所事事,一时间也死不掉,就开始效仿那位喝毒酒的先哲,在临死前向在场的观众们大谈人生哲理。

耶稣的十字架本来就异常雄伟,山头又高,俨然居高临下俯瞰着整个耶路撒冷。很多百姓吃了午饭,见到山头上立着这么一个怪东西,都过来看热闹。大家先是很稀奇,竟然会有人挂在那么华丽的十字架上,于是都纷纷凑过来看。然后大家又看到上头的人并非是个恶棍,相反的是个文弱的文化人,于是更好奇了。最后看到这个文化人竟然光着身子,于是一呼百应万人空巷,都来观看这百年奇景。耶稣趁此大谈哲学,倒也博得大家的一阵阵掌声。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

与此同时,以利雇佣的人也悄悄在人群中穿梭,发放着木制的小十字架胸章,上面还有耶稣的裸体形象。还有更有甚者在散布流言说,惊讶的时候惊呼“凯撒呀!” 已经不流行了,现在流行喊“耶稣呀!”耶稣还挂在十字架上没断气,已经有近百名群众决定这个星期日就去受洗礼成为基督教徒。

到中午的时候,耶稣已经有点说不动了。他抬头看看天,接引他的天使已经走到半途了,他沉默着,考虑最后一句遗言该说什么。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

众人见耶稣沉默了,于是也静下来,等待着他的最后一句话。耶稣四下观看众人,想找点灵感。他突然发现很多人胸前已经别着十字架的小胸章,上面还有自己的半裸体像。谁会事先知道这个事情呢?谁又会对我上十字架那么热心呢?他突然想起以利曾告诉自己他认识一个叫朗基努斯的罗马军士。“这里有一位朗基努斯军爷没有?”他问。

朗基努斯走过来,“谁叫我?” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

耶稣顿时明白了,在天使降临前的一瞬,他愤怒地用拿撒勒的土话向远方大喊:“以利!以利!拉马撒巴各大尼!”

随后,天使的翅膀就覆盖了耶稣基督的灵魂。http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

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自此,基督的事迹就在世间流传,使徒们的行为也为众人传颂。遵照耶稣的意愿,马太四人动笔记录他的生平,他们走访耶稣生前的朋友们以收集信息。他们向以利提出的第一个问题就是:“耶稣死前喊的那句话是什么意思?” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

以利笑着回答:“那句话的意思是,‘我的神,我的神,为什么离弃我?’”

四个人用狐疑的眼光看着他。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

以利回答:“好吧,好吧,在拿撒勒土语里,那句话的意思是,‘以利!以利!咱俩没完!’”

“没完什么?”路加问以利,而后者则笑而不答了。 http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“算了,就以您前一个回答为准吧。”路加无奈地说。

—————————————————————————————————————————————————http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

以利活了84岁,日子满足而死。当他来到天堂后,又重新听到了上帝的声音。

“以利,你干得真漂亮!” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“谢谢,主,不知道我主的宗教能延续多少年?”

“至少两千年,比我的要求高了一倍。在你的帮助下,我的独子终于及格了。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“谢谢,主,愿我主的名传遍天下。”

“只有半个天下而已。”http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“半个天下?另半个是谁的?”

“另半个是默罕默德的伊斯兰教的。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“不可能!基督教是我用商业理论一手策划的,默罕默什么的,他有这本事创造一个匹敌的宗教吗?”

“他没有,但他也有一个朋友帮他,那人你也认识,是你的同学,叫穆萨。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“穆萨?不可能!这个呆子一问三不知,根本什么都没学会,怎么可能同我相比。”

“蠢材!最后一节课你没有去上,他去了,而且学得很好。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“最后一节课那么重要?”

“废话!他回来后,教穆罕默德宣称伊斯兰教才是基督教的正源,耶稣的一切活动都是为默罕默德的降临做准备的,耶稣是伊斯兰教的先知。他剽窃了你的一切成就,踩在你的肩膀上获取了成功。” http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

“我主……”以利无言以对。

上头安慰他说,“别自责了,你的表现很好了,不过……”祂离去前,最后撂下了一句话:“我早告诉你了,上最后一节课的是韩国人。”http://www.ccthere.com/article/2026099.html

2月3日

知止而后有定,定而后能静,静而后能安,安而后能虑,虑而后能得

虽然大家都在写关于温家宝总理访问剑桥大学作演讲的博文,我准备逆潮流而动,
先写点与温总理不相关的事情,然后再来写一写温总理的演讲。
 
今天看网络小说(别名yy小说)的时候,看到一段话,很有感触:
“知止而后有定,定而后能静,静而后能安,安而后能虑,虑而后能得”。
 
这段话当然不是yy小说作者的原创,事实上它出自于四书中的《大学》。
话里的智慧虽然远隔千年,但是却指出了如何处理我们无数人不断碰到的人生问题。
 
在每个人的一生中,无数次我们需要做决定,或左或右,或出国或读研,或选A或选B。
假如A和B之间的优劣能够看得清清楚楚,我们是不会有所困扰的,直接选择最优的便成;
但是更多的时候,A或者B是差不多的,选A有选A的好处,选B有选B的好处,究竟如何选择,
往往颇费思量,让人夜不成寐,甚至选择了以后,仍然会在梦里惊醒,怀疑当时是不是选择
另外一个更好。
 
大学的这段话,就是让我们明白,做选择之前,要明白的自己的立场原则以及事情的状况,
做到心中明白自己想要什么不想要什么,想要的当中,那个最想要,那个其次,考虑好做
各种选择的风险,并估计自己的承受能力,然后就能够心中安定。
 
心中安定自然就能心静气和,动机单纯,目标明确。然后人就人就会神态安详,做事从容。
接着很容易做到通盘考虑,计划周全。随后自然而然就可以做到合理选择,对结果心安理得。
 
然后上面的过程中,最难的却是第一步,“知止而后有定”,没有这一步,以后的都无从谈起。
但是明白自己想要什么不想要什么永远不是那么的容易,也许只有某种催眠中,
人的潜意识才会告诉你真正想要的是什么。。。。
 
 
 
 
 
 
1月21日

人文教育和道德培养

最近在网络及电视上看到很多人文教育类节目,其中很多学者在提倡人文教育,弘扬传统文化。其中的佼佼者包括比如于丹的论语,以及最近在凤凰卫视中余秋雨的秋雨时分。这些节目普遍制作精良,多在黄金时段播出,收视率不错。作讲座之人的水平或有争议,但肯定是最能够胜任介绍发扬我们的传统文化这样一个目的的。这些节目的火爆,从某个侧面反映出了当前人们迫切希望弘扬中华传统文化,并借此来提高整个社会的道德水准的迫切愿望。
 
这样的想法很容易理解,因为在大多数人的印象中,曾经有这么一个理想中的道德黄金时代,我们没有接受那么多的西方文明,大家都读的是传统的儒家经典,讲究的是三省吾身以及治国平天下的人生抱负,人人都在圣人之言的教化下谦逊有礼,整个社会井井有条。相比之下,现在的社会差得太多了:人还是一样的中国人,地也还是这篇神州大地,但是人们已经不再讲究儒家的准则,取而代之的是利益优先的博弈。强烈的反差很容易让我们有一种潜意识的印象,那就是,一切的根源在于放弃了传统的文化,放弃了对社会大众进行儒家传统道德的教化,从而导致了大众的道德沦丧。
 
这个结论的得出并不是顺理成章,不言而喻的。从一方面来讲,我们印象中的那个道德的黄金年代很大程度上来自于我们的想象。这个黄金年代不存在于历史上的某个时期,不在民国,不在清,也不在明,更难论元了。事实上,在某些儒家经典被遵为无上标准的年代,读书人的道德水准并没有显著的提高,人们反而变的更加虚伪,说一套做一套。如果有幸能够翻看古籍,我们经常会看到各个时代的大儒们都在千篇一律的感慨,“世风日下,人心不古”,然后大大赞扬一番三皇五帝时期的道德风尚,从而继续强调儒家教化的重要性。这个有趣巧合不难证明人们总是有“怀古”的倾向,总会在潜意识中强调过去好的一面,并试图完美这个印象,从而造成不太真实的回忆。
 
从另一方面来讲,就算是存在这样一个道德的黄金年代,是否提倡传统文化能够提高当今社会的道德水准仍然是一个没有确定答案的问题。从在统计的角度看过来,如果两个事件同时发生,并不能证明他们之间有因果联系,虽然人们很容易觉得他们之间有某种因果关系。一个著名的例子是,我们总会在圣诞的时候看到很多人的互赠圣诞贺卡,但是我们不能得出结论说,因为人们互赠圣诞贺卡,所以引起了圣诞节的到来,因为我们都知道事实恰恰相反。同理,虽然我们在如此的道德黄金年代中,同时看到了儒家经典被广泛的接受和遵循,我们无法就此得出结论说,是因为传统经典的教育使得社会的道德水准提高。
 
那怎样做才能切切实实的促进整个社会的道德水准?作为一个工科男,我觉得这其实就是一个系统修正的问题。我认为我们应该想办法增加社会对道德行为的正反馈,同时尽量减少负的反馈。比如,如果一个人有很高的道德水准,在一个道德水准高的社会中,这样的人大多应该会有很高的社会地位,同时又有不错的经济收入和幸福的家庭,有经济上,生活上的诸多便利。这样的社会会从很大程度上鼓励人们积极提高自己的道德修养,而且小孩在从小就会以这样的人作为榜样。反之在一个道德水准下降的社会中,一个人虽然有很高的道德修养,但是只是被大家在口头上称赞,经济上困顿,生活上被人欺压,家庭由于经济和社会的原因整天处于愁云惨淡的地步。这样的社会里,是没有人会真心关心自己和其他人的道德的。
12月22日

愤怒版的Canon in D :)

呵呵,泰国潘婷的励志广告,虽然拍的很感人,不过这个愤怒版的Canon in D还是让我感觉莫名其妙.....
 
12月3日

非常有趣的关于对冲基金的文章 "An Address in Mayfair"

(FT Alpha 推荐,London Reivew of Books

最赞的是这一句 'He’s in a Regus office.' (Regus rents office space in its business centres on a short-term basis)....

An Address in Mayfair

Donald MacKenzie on Hedge Funds

You could walk around Mayfair all day and not notice them. Hedge funds don’t – can’t – advertise. The most you’ll see is a discreet nameplate or two. An address in Mayfair counts in the world of hedge funds. It shows you’re serious, and have the money and confidence to pay the world’s most expensive commercial rents. A nondescript office no larger than a small flat can cost £150,000 a year. Something bigger and in the style that hedge funds like (glass walls, contemporary furniture) can set you back a lot more. It’s fortunate therefore that hedge funds don’t need a lot of space. Two rooms may be enough: one for meetings, for example with potential investors; one for trading and doing the associated bookkeeping. Some funds consist of only four or five people. Even a fairly large fund can operate with twenty or fewer.

These small organisations control substantial amounts of capital. If a hedge fund manages less than $100 million it isn’t seen as a big player; $1 billion is quite commonplace. The capital managed by the world’s ten thousand or so funds amounts to around $2000 billion. (Hedge funds don’t have to divulge the details of their finances and operations, so no one knows the exact numbers.) About a fifth of this money is managed by funds based in London, and two fifths by those based in the US, mostly in New York and its upmarket suburbs, especially Greenwich, Connecticut.

Hedge funds’ physical and legal locations are often separate. The funds themselves are normally registered offshore for tax reasons, many of them in the Cayman Islands. In the offices in Mayfair or Greenwich are the funds’ managers, the legally distinct firms or partnerships that control them. Hedge funds are often described as unregulated, but that’s not quite right. Fund managers based in the UK have to register with the Financial Services Authority, and are bound by its codes of market conduct. It is just as illegal for an employee of or a partner in a hedge fund based in London or New York to spread false rumours or indulge in insider trading as it is for someone working for a more conventional investment firm. Nevertheless, hedge funds enjoy lighter regulation and considerably greater freedom of action than the investment companies that advertise in the financial pages.

The ‘hedge fund’ was the inadvertent creation of the wave of financial market regulation that followed the 1929 crash and the Great Depression. To avoid a repeat of the excesses of the 1920s, legislators in the US enacted a series of measures – the 1933 Securities Act, the 1934 Securities Exchange Act and the 1940 Investment Company Act – which, among other things, laid down what investment companies taking money from the general public had to do and couldn’t do. Two practices in particular were limited or prohibited: leverage (buying securities using borrowed money) and short selling (selling securities that the investment company doesn’t own). Expecting prices to fall, a short seller might, for example, borrow securities from their owner (in exchange for a fee), sell them, then later buy them back (at a lower price, if things have gone according to plan) and return them.

If you wanted to employ leverage or to short sell – characteristic features of what hedge funds do – you therefore had to make sure that, legally, you weren’t classed as an investment company open to the public at large. That’s the reason hedge funds can’t advertise, and why they can generally take money only from individuals who are ‘accredited investors’. The US Securities and Exchange Commission’s regulations define these as people with net assets of at least $1 million and an annual income of $200,000 or more. In practice, most hedge funds would have little interest in investors who only just reach those fairly modest thresholds (they haven’t been raised since 1982). A new fund might accept a minimum investment of as little as $250,000, but established funds will usually demand much more – perhaps $1 million, sometimes even $10 million.

Over time, the restrictions on what regulated investment companies can do have gradually loosened, but hedge funds remain distinct from them. The most noteworthy difference is the fee structure. In addition to a management fee typically set at 2 per cent – which is a bit higher than the fees of most conventional investment firms – hedge funds also charge a performance fee, usually 20 per cent of profits, which has no real analogue in the mainstream investment world. (The performance fee is generally subject to a ‘high-water mark’: if the fund has lost money in previous years, it must recoup those losses before it can impose the fee.) A handful of especially favoured funds are able to charge even more: Renaissance Technologies, founded by a mathematician, James Simons, and based in East Setauket on Long Island’s affluent north shore, is reported to charge investors in its Medallion Fund a 5 per cent management fee and a 44 per cent performance fee, though I haven’t been able to confirm those figures.

To stop the performance fee from being an incentive to take wild punts, hedge fund investors generally want to be sure that the people who manage the fund have hefty investments in it – half a manager’s net worth is the traditional requirement, though that seems to have eased recently – so that they suffer from losses as well as benefiting from gains. The combination of high fees and substantial personal investment means that the most successful managers can make huge sums. Each year, the investment magazine Alpha publishes estimates of top individual earnings. The 2007 list was headed by John Paulson of Paulson & Co., who earned $3.7 billion by betting that the value of securities backed by US sub-prime mortgages would collapse. He was followed by George Soros ($2.9 billion) and James Simons ($2.8 billion). These are figures far beyond even the most generous remuneration packages offered by banks or other public companies.

How do you get to run a hedge fund? Nearly all the managers I’ve met made their names in the big investment banks. Some simply want to make more money, but often their motives are more complex. A couple of years ago, one professional investor told me:

A lot of the people who are setting up the best hedge funds are . . . doing this for perhaps slightly ego-driven and political reasons as much as anything else. They’re not doing it for the money: they’ve got their Bentley Continentals and their yachts . . . so they’re going into it because they want to run something because they’re never, ever going to be the guy that sits right at the top [of an investment bank] because they can’t be bothered with the politics.

Anyone trying to set up a hedge fund will find their previous career invaluable. Their initial stake will come from the accumulated bonuses they have received, and they will have built networks of contacts. Financial markets aren’t the atomistic, anonymous places portrayed in conventional economic models. Asked how he set up his fund, one manager told me: ‘You call your friends and, you know, just talk through your ideas.’ If they’re persuaded by the ideas, those contacts might decide to invest in the fund themselves and they also pass you on to other potential investors: ‘Eventually you kind of pitch to people who allocate capital and if they like the idea they put money in; if they don’t then they send you on your way.’ These investors will want to assess the personal characteristics of those pitching to them. Asked how he knew what proportion of managers’ personal wealth was invested in their funds, one investor told me: ‘It’s a look-in-the-eye part of it.’ Professional allocators of capital will often phone people they trust who have worked with the prospective founders of hedge funds. You’ll get phoned up, said a well-established manager, and asked: ‘“Do you know so-and-so?” And if you say, “Oh actually he’s a smart guy,” that’s good; if you say: “I’d rather not comment” . . . That’s one of the ways it works, and because it’s people coming from those five or six big companies’ – the leading investment banks – ‘the funds of funds have a fairly easy job of checking up.’

As the name implies, ‘funds of funds’ aggregate investors’ capital and select which hedge funds it will be allocated to. Investors who use them pay a further layer of fees – typically a 1 per cent management fee and a 10 per cent performance fee – but avoid the onerous process of deciding which funds to invest in and having time-consuming face-to-face meetings with managers. Direct investment by the rich and their family offices has been falling as a proportion of hedge funds’ capital. It formed more than half of it in the 1990s; now it’s a little less than a third, according to research by International Financial Services London. (In case anyone reading this doesn’t have a family office, I should explain that they help keep the rich rich, by managing investments and minimising tax, as well as dealing with matters such as the hiring and firing of staff.) Funds of funds now provide a third of hedge funds’ capital, with the remainder coming from pension funds, endowments, foundations and so on.

Ultimately, of course, investors in hedge funds judge them and those who run them by their returns: ‘Eventually just the numbers matter. The relationships matter for a little while,’ was how one hedge fund manager put it. Investors want returns that are high and that ideally don’t fluctuate too much, and many of them – especially such institutional investors as pension funds – are also looking for returns that aren’t highly correlated with stock markets, because they’re already heavily invested there. It makes for an excellent pitch if you can plausibly promise that your hedge fund’s strategy will still be profitable when markets fall.

How do hedge funds make their money? What is generally regarded as the first of them was A.W. Jones & Co., set up in 1949. Jones had a PhD in sociology from Columbia but then became a financial journalist. His investment idea was what has become known as ‘equity long/short’. By adding modest borrowing to, let’s say, $100,000 of investors’ money, Jones might buy $110,000 worth of the shares in companies he liked, while simultaneously short selling $40,000 of shares he thought might do badly. He was thus partially insulated (‘hedged’) against overall market movements. If the overall market fell, the shares he had bought (his ‘long positions’, in market terminology) would lose money, but his short positions would gain because buying back borrowed shares would now be cheaper.

Equity long/short is probably the single most common hedge fund strategy, at least among newcomers to the industry: it’s a straightforward extension of the ‘stock picking’ practised by many conventional investment managers. Instead of simply avoiding shares that seem to have poor prospects, you bet against them by short selling them. Another relatively straightforward strategy is the ‘carry trade’. This involves borrowing in a currency with low interest rates, such as the yen, and investing the proceeds in countries where interest rates are higher (Iceland, Hungary and New Zealand have been especially popular in recent years). It sounds like a free lunch, but of course it isn’t: a rise in the value of the yen or a fall in the Icelandic króna or Hungarian forint can wipe out your profit or turn it into a loss. Carry traders have to be ready to liquidate their positions very quickly indeed when exchange rates start to move adversely, and their doing so can greatly amplify those movements. This autumn’s financial crisis has been marked by large increases in the value of the yen, almost certainly caused in part by the liquidation of carry trades.

Other strategies are more specialised, and the alumni of the top investment banks are more likely to be found pursuing them than sticking to carry trades. One example is ‘fixed-income arbitrage’. ‘Fixed-income’ refers to bonds, which usually pay set amounts to their holders, and to financial instruments similar to bonds; ‘arbitrage’ means the exploitation of price discrepancies. This was the field of operation of Long-Term Capital Management (LTCM), the hedge fund at the heart of a serious, albeit short-lived, global crisis in 1998. While equity long/short requires only limited borrowing, fixed-income arbitrage needs higher levels of leverage. The discrepancies being exploited are small (typically corresponding to a difference in rates of return of a fraction of a percentage point), so the rates of profit are attractive only if they can be boosted by financing, primarily by borrowing.

LTCM aside, specialist strategies such as fixed-income arbitrage generally attract little public attention. ‘Activist’ hedge funds such as Nathaniel Rothschild’s Atticus are more likely to get into the newspapers, especially in Germany, where what they do is often controversial. They buy a company’s shares and then press for changes in the way the company is structured or run. Even more prominent are ‘macro’ funds like Soros’s Quantum Fund. These seek to predict and profit from large-scale economic changes, such as a substantial rise or fall in the US dollar or other currency. The most famous hedge fund trade of them all was the Quantum Fund’s huge and enormously profitable September 1992 bet that the pound would fall in value. Soros’s $10 billion short position in sterling was a major source of pressure on the currency, and helped precipitate ‘Black Wednesday’, the pound’s forced departure from the Exchange Rate Mechanism.

In their everyday operations, hedge funds rely heavily on two other kinds of organisation. One is hedge fund administrators. Many of these are based in Dublin: Ireland has offered low tax rates in its push to attract this business. Administrators keep track of a fund’s trades, handle its accountancy and matters such as the movement of investors’ money into and out of the fund, and perform regular valuations of the portfolio. This last is crucial because many hedge funds take positions in financial instruments that aren’t traded on organised financial exchanges such as the London Stock Exchange, and for which fully reliable market prices are therefore not always available. Administrators are supposed to serve as an independent check that funds aren’t boosting their performance fees by recording inflated valuations, or using price estimates that ‘smooth’ profits – make them appear less volatile and thus more attractive.

Most hedge funds’ trading desks are now continuously linked electronically to their administrators. This helps make it possible to manage huge portfolios with small numbers of staff, which is a major reason the sector has grown so fast: as recently as 1990, there were fewer than a thousand funds worldwide, managing what now seems a trifling $25 billion.

The second organisation on which a hedge fund depends is a prime broker. These are usually big international banks, which typically hold funds’ money and act as custodians of their portfolios, transferring money or securities when trading demands. (Again, all this is now automated, so that funds’ computer systems are directly linked to those of their prime brokers.) Prime brokers are a major source of leverage: they lend to funds, often using securities in the fund’s portfolio as collateral. A prime broker is also usually the first port of call when a fund is selling short and needs to borrow the securities in question. Indeed, a fund’s prime broker, or other investment banks, will often in effect do some of its trading for it, by means of what’s called a ‘total return swap’. For example, hedge funds weren’t initially able directly to trade the European carbon dioxide allowances that I discussed in the LRB on 5 April 2007: if they had, they would have risked no longer qualifying for the Investment Management Exemption in UK tax law. (Introduced in 1995, the exemption protects the profits of offshore funds with British-based managers from UK taxation.) So a bank would hold a position in carbon for a fund, passing the gains and losses on to it and charging what was in effect a fee for doing so.

Prime brokerage has been a major source of income for the leading investment banks in recent years; that is one of the reasons their fate is so tightly interwoven with that of hedge funds. This autumn, the focus of attention has been on the troubles of banks, but hedge funds also have their vulnerabilities. The most obvious threat is that investors might withdraw their capital, which can happen after even short periods of poor performance. As one manager told me: ‘You’ve had one or two bad months and you’ve got a redemption notice in.’ It takes time for investors to get their money out – a requirement for 90 days’ notice is common, and some funds successfully insist on lengthier ‘lock-up’ periods in which no redemptions are permitted – but once redemptions begin it can be hard for a manager to stop them. The need to liquidate positions to release the money required to meet redemptions can cause further losses, sparking further redemptions and a spiral of decline. In the interconnected, gossipy world of the financial markets, a hedge fund known to have suffered or to be facing significant redemptions can quickly come to seem very unattractive. Speaking of the leading partner in one hedge fund, a fund-of-funds manager told me: ‘He’s in a Regus office.’ (Regus rents office space in its business centres on a short-term basis.) My informant was emphatic that I wasn’t to name the unfortunate man: the fact that his fund could no longer pay rent at Mayfair levels would be seen as too damning.

Hedge funds can be drained of capital in other ways too. If you’re doing something more complicated than just buying shares or bonds – and few hedge funds restrict themselves to that – trades often take the form of a contract between two parties, which typically demands that collateral (cash or securities) be transferred between them, often daily, as market prices fluctuate in favour of one party or the other. These collateral transfers are a sensible precaution because they reduce the risk that someone will default on their contract at a point at which they owe a lot of money: if they do, you can at least keep the collateral they’ve had to deposit with you. The result of the procedure, however, is that if market prices move against a hedge fund’s positions it faces increasing demands for collateral. It’s far from rare for managers to be forced to abandon their positions and incur the consequent losses, even in cases such as fixed-income arbitrage, in which it’s pretty certain that the adverse price movements will be temporary.

Prime brokers, too, can help kill hedge funds by reducing or withdrawing the credit available to them. If you’re leveraged, and your source of borrowing dries up, you will usually have no alternative but to liquidate your positions, again often at a loss. Gillian Tett of the Financial Times reports recent quiet conversations in which central bankers have sought to persuade prime brokers not to take away funds’ access to credit. The concern is with risks not to individual funds and their investors but to the financial system as a whole. The sector recorded disappointing results in the first half of 2008, and this autumn’s crisis has meant sharp losses for many funds. The restrictions on short selling worsened matters by making many of their strategies difficult or impossible to implement, and their investors now seem to have started to feel that cash or government bonds are the only safe havens.

So large-scale redemptions have begun. On 27 October, Alpha suggested that over the previous month hedge funds might in aggregate have received redemption notices totalling $500 billion. It’s not the sort of number one can be sure of, but if it’s roughly right it means that by the end of January a quarter of the sector’s capital base will have drained away. In that context, it may not be over-alarmist for Emmanuel Roman, joint chief executive of hedge fund managers GLG Partners, to have warned an industry meeting that almost a third of hedge funds faced collapse.

That would be serious enough if the resulting fire-sale liquidations of positions were spread evenly across the financial system, but they’re unlikely to be. Trading by hedge funds tends to cluster: in part because those following the same general strategy will often light on the same opportunities (the number of attractive fixed-income price discrepancies, for example, is finite); in part because there is lots of chatter in markets about potentially profitable trades. You might think that if you’d discovered such a trade you would want to keep it to yourself, but often that’s not so. Prudence dictates that a bank or hedge fund shouldn’t devote too much of its capital to a single trade – and, unfashionable as it may be to say so, most banks and funds do try to control the risks they take (which doesn’t mean they always manage to). Once you’ve devoted as much of your capital to a trade as is prudent, there’s nothing to be lost by telling others about the opportunity, and often quite a bit to be gained. If you’ve bought an asset you believe to be undervalued and short sold a similar asset you believe to be overvalued (and much hedge fund trading boils down to that), you want others to do the same. If they do, that will help boost the price of the asset you’ve bought and decrease the price of the asset you’ve sold short.

Situations in which many hedge funds have similar or identical positions are called ‘consensus trades’ or ‘crowded trades’. Every so often these cause sudden, huge movements in prices that have little or no basis in economic fundamentals such as the prospects for the firm, sector or country at issue. In the last week of October, for example, Volkswagen briefly became the world’s most valuable company by market capitalisation, but not because investors were suddenly struck by how attractive its cars were or by optimism about the prospects of the motor industry. Rather, a consensus trade had gone disastrously wrong. Volkswagen’s ordinary shares had started 2008 half as expensive again as its preference shares, and the difference had soared during the year. The holders of preference shares can’t take part in shareholder votes, and they receive a fixed rate of interest rather than the fluctuating dividends offered by ordinary shares, but both kinds of share are stakes in the same firm, and it seemed reasonable to conclude that the growing difference between their prices was an anomaly that would correct itself. So a large number of hedge funds – some say as many as a hundred – bought Volkswagen’s preference shares and short sold its ordinary shares. These matched long and short positions meant that the funds were insulated from overall fluctuations in the company’s fortunes: it ‘was meant to be a low-risk trade’, as one London fund manager told the Financial Times.

Unfortunately, Porsche, which already owns 42.6 per cent of Volkswagen’s ordinary shares, had quietly been increasing its stake by buying call options (a call option is a contract that gives you the right to buy an asset at a fixed price). If it turns all those options into Volkswagen shares, Porsche will own 74.1 per cent of them; the government of Lower Saxony owns a further 20.2 per cent that it’s very unlikely to sell. That would leave only 5.7 per cent of Volkswagen’s ordinary shares available to be traded on the market. However, hedge funds and other traders had between them short sold shares equivalent to 12.9 per cent of the total, and in consequence were obliged to buy and return them. They understandably panicked, and the resultant frantic efforts to buy Volkswagen shares caused the price to quadruple.

The forced unwinding of a consensus trade is not a pleasant business. Initial losses increase demand for collateral and can lead to the issuing of redemption notices, and prime brokers and others may restrict lending to the hedge funds involved. Weaker funds have to liquidate their positions, causing further losses and the onset of a downward spiral. Losses incurred in one trade can contaminate others, as funds have to sell assets across the board. The prices of seemingly unrelated assets start to move in lockstep, undermining the apparent safety that diversification provides. This was the process that led to the 1998 crisis. LTCM had only a small stake in the consensus trade that started the downward spiral (investment in rouble-denominated Russian government bonds, on which Russia defaulted on 17 August), but was fatally damaged by the highly correlated adverse price movements that ensued around the globe and across a wide range of assets.[*]

No single hedge fund seems currently to be in as pivotal a situation as LTCM was in 1998, but if the sector continues to shrink as fast as recent reports suggest it will, then the liquidation of trading positions is likely to lead to further violent price movements and market disruption, particularly where there are consensus trades. Paradoxically, though, the dramatic events of this autumn may lead, over the next few years, to an even greater role for the hedge funds that survive. With so many banks having been bailed out by the world’s taxpayers, they will be under considerable pressure from governments and regulators to concentrate on their core functions (receiving deposits, making loans to individuals and businesses, processing payments etc) and to reduce proprietary trading – that is the trading of financial instruments in order to make a profit for the bank, not to serve the needs of customers. Even banks that haven’t needed to be bailed out are moving in this direction: on 4 November, J.P. Morgan announced it was closing its global proprietary trading unit. As banks retreat from trading risky financial instruments, a potentially very profitable space will open up for those still prepared to do so, and hedge funds will step in to fill it.

11月3日

Credit Crunch

话说俺前几天在回家的路上走的时候,
正在感慨这天气突然就变得这么冷呢
冬天来得太快了点
 
突然有个光头英国佬蹦出来
冲偶大吼:“Credit Crunch~”
然后偶前看后看,左看右看
确定他是在冲着俺吼。。。
 
。。。
 
然后我就不明白了
他是认为俺看着像Banker,所以Credit Crunch就约等于Fxxk U之类的脏话?
还是说是我在他眼中就是Credit Crunch?好像头被夹过了的意思?
亦或者说让我小心Credit Crunch就像过马路有人让你小心车一样?
虽然俺早就被Credit Crunch搞了,小心已经太迟了。。。
如此种种离奇的想法让俺吃饭的时候多吃了几个辣子,辣的我冒汗。
 
不过怎么说,很有意思的一件事,记下来。说不定以后会是什么大事的征兆呢~
 
 
 
 
10月1日

The Worst Financial Crisis Since the Great Depression

NOTE: I personally don't think this is 100% right, but it explains how bad the thing is.... So bless everyone including myself.

by Nouriel Roubini | Sep 16, 2008

Regular readers of this blog are familiar with my views. But here below is a repeat of detailed summary of the reasons for my views that this will turn out to be the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression and the worst US recession in decades (hyperlinks to my relevant recent writings are provided for each argument). As I wrote in August:

   This is by far the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression, not as severe as the Great Depression but second only to it.

   At the end of the day this financial crisis will imply credit losses of at least $1 trillion and more likely $2 trillion. The financial and banking crisis will be severe and last several years leading to a severe and persistent liquidity and credit crunch.

   This is not just a subprime mortgage crisis; this is the crisis of an entire subprime financial system: losses are spreading from subprime to near prime and prime mortgages including hundreds of billions of dollars of home equity loans that are worth little; to commercial real estate; to unsecured consumer credit (credit cards, student loans, auto loans); to leveraged loans that financed reckless debt-laden LBOs; to muni bonds that will go bust as hundred of municipalities will go bust; to industrial and commercial loans; to corporate bonds whose default rate will jump from close to 0% to over 10%; to CDSs where $62 trillion of nominal protection sits on top an outstanding stock of only $6 trillion of bonds and where counterparty risk – and the collapse of many counterparties – will lead to a systemic collapse of this market.

   Hundreds of small banks with massive exposure to real estate (the average small bank has 67% of its assets in real estate) will go bust.

   Dozens of large regional/national banks (a’ la IndyMac) are also effectively insolvent given their extreme exposure to real estate and will also eventually go bust. Most of these regional banks – starting with Wachovia and Washington Mutual – look like walking zombies in the same way IndyMac was.

   Even some major money center banks are also semi-insolvent and while they are deemed too big to fail their rescue with FDIC money will be extremely costly. In 1990-91 at the height of that recession and banking crisis many major banks – in addition to 1000 plus S&L's that went bust – were effectively insolvent, including, as it was well known at that time, Citibank. At that time the Fed and regulators used instruments similar to those used today – easy money and steepening of the intermediation yield curve, aggressive forbearance, creative – i.e. liar – accounting, etc. – to rescue these major financial institutions from formal bankruptcy. But at that time the housing bust and the ensuing decline in home prices was much smaller than today: during that recession home prices – as measured by the Case-Shiller/S&P index – fell less than 5% from their peak. This time around instead such an index has already fallen 18% from its peak and it will most likely fall by a cumulative 30% before it bottoms sometime in 2010. If a 5% fall in home prices was enough to make Citi effectively insolvent in 1991 what will a 30% fall in home prices – and massive defaults on many other forms of credit (commercial real estate loans, credit cards, auto loans, student loans, home equity loans, leveraged loans, muni bonds, industrial and commercial loans, corporate bonds, CDS) - do to these financial institutions? It challenges the credulity of even spin masters to argue that financial firms are not in worse shape today than they were in 1990-91 when a significant number of major banks were technically insolvent. So, not only hundreds of small banks and a significant fraction of regional banks but also some major money center banks will become effectively insolvent during this crisis.

   In a few years time there will be no major independent broker dealers as their business model (securitization, slice & dice and transfer of toxic credit risk and piling fees upon fees rather than earning income from holding credit risk) is bust and the risk of a bank-like run on their very short term liquid liabilities is a fundamental flaw in their structure (i.e. the four remaining U.S. big brokers dealers will either go bust or will have to be merged with traditional commercial banks). Firms that borrow liquid and short, highly leverage themselves and lend in longer term and illiquid ways (i.e. most of the shadow banking system) cannot survive without formal deposit insurance and formal permanent lender of last resort support from the central bank.

   The FDIC will for sure run out of money as hundreds of banks will go bust and their depositors will have to be made whole given deposit insurance. With funds of only $53 billion, already up to 15% of such funds will be used to rescue the depositors of IndyMac alone. Thus, the FDIC is already requesting to Congress that the deposit insurance premia should be raised to compensate for this shortfall of funding. Too bad that this increase in insurance premia – that should be high enough in advance (not ex-post) to ensure that deposit insurance is incentive-compatible and not leading to gambling for redemption via risky lending in banks – is now too little and too late and is requested when the damage is already done as the biggest credit bubble in U.S. history is now going bust. Also the FDIC has done a mediocre job at identifying which banks are at risk. So far there are only about 90 banks on its watch list; and IndyMac was not put on that list until last month! So if the FDIC did not even identify IndyMac as in trouble until it was too late, how many other IndyMacs are out there that that the FDIC has not identified yet? Certainly a few hundred but such honest analysis of banks at risk is nowhere to be found

   Fannie and Freddie are insolvent and the Treasury bailout plan (the mother of all moral hazard bailout) is socialism for the rich, the well connected and Wall Street; it is the continuation of a corrupt system where profits are privatized and losses are socialized. Instead of wiping out shareholders of the two GSEs, replacing corrupt and incompetent managers and forcing a haircut on the claims of the creditors/bondholders such a plan bails out shareholders, managers and creditors at a massive cost to U.S. taxpayers.
http://www.ccthere.com/article/1802356 http://www.ccthere.com/article/1802356 http://www.ccthere.com/article/1802356 http://www.ccthere.com/article/1802356 http://www.ccthere.com/article/1802356
9月30日

Viva Passed!

After a 5-hour questioning without break, I finally finished my viva. The beginning of a new era!!!
9月26日

俞敏洪在北大08新生开学典礼上的讲话

 

俞敏洪 英语系80级校友、新东方教育集团董事长兼总裁

2008921 

各位同学、各位领导:

大家上午好!(掌声)

非常高兴许校长给我这么崇高的荣誉,谈一谈我在北大的体会。(掌声)

可以说,北大是改变了我一生的地方,是提升了我自己的地方,使我从一个农村孩子最后走向了世界的地方。毫不夸张地说,没有北大,肯定就没有我的今天。北大给我留下了一连串美好的回忆,大概也留下了一连串的痛苦。正是在美好和痛苦中间,在挫折、挣扎和进步中间,最后找到了自我,开始为自己、为家庭、为社会能做一点事情。

学生生活是非常美好的,有很多美好的回忆。 我还记得我们班有一个男生,每天都在女生的宿舍楼下拉小提琴,(笑声)希望能够引起女生的注意,结果后来被女生扔了水瓶子。我还记得我自己为了吸引女生的 注意,每到寒假和暑假都帮着女生扛包。(笑声、掌声)后来我发现那个女生有男朋友,(笑声)我就问她为什么还要让我扛包,她说为了让男朋友休息一下(笑 声、掌声)。我也记得刚进北大的时候我不会讲普通话,全班同学第一次开班会的时候互相介绍,我站起来自我介绍了一番,结果我们的班长站起来跟我说:“俞敏 洪你能不能不讲日语?”(笑声)我后来用了整整一年时间,拿着收音机在北大的树林中模仿了广播台的播音,但是到今天普通话还依然讲得不好。

人的进步可能是一辈子的事情。在北大也许是我们生活的一个开始,而不是结束。有很多事情特别让人感动。比如说,我们很有幸见过朱光潜教授。在他最后的日子里,是我们班的同学每天轮流推着轮椅在北大里陪他一起散步。(掌声)每当我推着轮椅的时候,我心中就充满了对朱光潜教授的崇拜,一种神圣感油然而生。所以,我在大学看书最多的领域是美学。因为他写了一本《西方美学史》,是我进大学以后读的第二本书。

为 什么是第二本呢?因为第一本是这样来的,我进北大以后走进宿舍,我有个同学已经在宿舍。那个同学躺在床上看一本书,叫做《第三帝国的兴亡》。所以我就问了 他一句话,我说:“在大学还要读这种书吗?”他把书从眼睛上拿开,看了我一眼,没理我,继续读他的书。这一眼一直留在我心中。我知道进了北大不仅仅是来学专业的,要读大量大量的书。你才能够有资格把自己叫做北大的学生。(掌声)所以我在北大读的第一本书就是《第三帝国的兴亡》,而且读了三遍。后来我就找这个同学去,我说:“咱们聊聊《第三帝国的兴亡》”,他说:“我已经忘了。”(笑声)

我也记得我的导师李赋宁教授,原来是北大英语系的主任,他给我们上《新概念》第四册的时候,每次都把板书写得非常的完整,非常的美丽。永远都是从黑板的左上角写起,等到下课铃响起的时候,刚好写到右下角结束。(掌声)我还记得我的英国文学史的教授罗经国教授,我在北大最后一年由于心情不好,所以考试不及格。我找到罗教授说:“这门课如果我不及格就毕不了业。”,罗教授说:“我可以给你一个及格的分数,但是请你记住了,未来你一定要做出我值得给你分数的事业。”(掌声)所以,北大老师的宽容、学识、奔放、自由,让我们真正能够成为北大的学生,真正能够得到北大的精神。 当我听说许智宏校长对学生唱《隐形的翅膀》的时候,我打开视频,感动得热泪盈眶。因为我觉得北大的校长就应该是这样的。(掌声)

我 记得自己在北大的时候有很多的苦闷。一是普通话不好,第二英语水平一塌糊涂。尽管我高考经过三年的努力考到了北大——因为我落榜了两次,最后一次很意外地 考进了北大。我从来没有想过北大是我能够上学的地方,她是我心中一块圣地,觉得永远够不着。但是那一年,第三年考试时我的高考分数超过了北大录取分数线七 分,终于下定决心咬牙切齿填下了“北京大学”四个字。我知道一定会有很多人比我的分数高,我认为我是不会被录取的。没想到北大的招生老师非常富有眼光,料 到了三十年后我的今天。(掌声)但是实际上我的英语水平很差,在农村既不会听也不会说,只会背语法和单词。我们班分班的时候,五十个同学分成三个班,因为 我的英语考试分数不错,就被分到了A班,但是一个月以后,我就被调到了C班。C班叫做“语音语调及听力障碍班”。( 笑声)

我也记得自己进北大以前连《红楼梦》都没有读过,所以看到同学们一本一本书在读,我拼命地追赶。结果我在大学差不多读了八百多本书,用了五年时间(掌声)。但 是依然没有赶超上我那些同学。我记得我的班长王强是一个书癖,现在也在新东方,是新东方教育研究院的院长。他每次去买书我就跟着他去,当时北大给我们每个 月发二十多块钱生活费,王强有个癖好就是把生活费一分为二,一半用来买书,一半用来买饭菜票。买书的钱绝不动用来买饭票。如果他没有饭菜票了就到处借,借 不到就到处偷。(笑声)后来我发现他这个习惯很好,我也把我的生活费一份为二,一半用来买书,一半用来买饭菜票,饭票吃完了我就偷他的。(笑声掌声)

毫不夸张地说,我们班的同学当时在北大,真是属于读书最多的班之一。而且我们班当时活动非常地活跃,光诗人就出了好几个。后来挺有名的一个诗人叫西川,真名叫刘军, 就是我们班的。(掌声)我还记得我们班开风气之先,当时是北大的优秀集体,但是有一个晚上大家玩得高兴了,结果跳起了贴面舞,第二个礼拜被教育部通报批评 了。那个时候跳舞是必须跳得很正规的,稍微男女生靠近一点就认为违反风纪。所以你们现在比我们当初要更加幸福一点。不光可以跳舞,而且可以手拉手地在校园 里面走,我们如果当时男女生手拉手在校园里面走,一定会被扔到未名湖里,所以一般都是晚上十二点以后再在校园里面走。(笑声掌声)

我也记得我们班五十个同学,刚好是二十五个男生二十五个女生,我听到这个比例以后当时就非常的兴奋(笑声),我觉得大家就应该是一个配一个。没想到女生们都看上了那些外表英俊潇洒、风流倜傥的男生。像我这样外表不怎么样,内心充满丰富感情、未来有巨大发展潜力的,女生一般都看不上。(笑声掌声)

我记得我奋斗了整整两年希望能在成绩上赶上我的同学,但是就像刚才吕植老 师说的,你尽管在中学高考可能考得很好,是第一名,但是北大精英人才太多了,你的前后左右可能都是智商极高的同学,也是各个省的状元或者说第二名。所以, 在北大追赶同学是一个非常艰苦的过程,尽管我每天几乎都要比别的同学多学一两个小时,但是到了大学二年级结束的时候我的成绩依然排在班内最后几名。非常勤 奋又非常郁闷,也没有女生来爱我安慰我。(笑声)这导致的结果是,我在大学三年级的时候得了一场重病,这个病叫做传染性侵润肺结核。当时我就晕了,因为当 时我正在读《红楼梦》,正好读到林黛玉因为肺结核吐血而亡的那一章,(笑声)我还以为我的生命从此结束,后来北大医院的医生告诉我现在这种病能够治好,但 是需要在医院里住一年。我在医院里住了一年,苦闷了一年,读了很多书,也写了六百多首诗歌,可惜一首诗歌都没有出版过。从此以后我就跟写诗结上了缘,但是 我这个人有丰富的情感,但是没有优美的文笔,所以终于没有成为诗人。后来我感到非常的庆幸,因为我发现真正成为诗人的人后来都出事了。我们跟当时还不太出 名的诗人海子在一起写过诗。后来他写过一首优美的诗歌,叫做《面朝大海,春暖花开》,我们每一个同学大概都能背。后来当我听说他卧轨自杀的时候,嚎啕大哭了整整一天。从此以后,我放下笔,再也不写诗了。(掌声)

记 得我在北大的时候,到大学四年级毕业时,我的成绩依然排在全班最后几名。但是,当时我已经有了一个良好的心态。我知道我在聪明上比不过我的同学,但是我有 一种能力,就是持续不断的努力。所以在我们班的毕业典礼上我说了这么一段话,到现在我的同学还能记得,我说:“大家都获得了优异的成绩,我是我们班的落后 同学。但是我想让同学们放心,我决不放弃。你们五年干成的事情我干十年,你们十年干成的我干二十年,你们二十年干成的我干四十年”。( 掌声)我对他们说:“如果实在不行,我会保持心情愉快、身体健康,到八十岁以后把你们送走了我再走。”(笑声掌声)

有 一个故事说,能够到达金字塔顶端的只有两种动物,一是雄鹰,靠自己的天赋和翅膀飞了上去。我们这儿有很多雄鹰式的人物,很多同学学习不需要太努力就能达到 高峰。很多同学后来可能很轻松地就能在北大毕业以后进入哈佛、耶鲁、牛津、剑桥这样的名牌大学继续深造。有很多同学身上充满了天赋,不需要学习就有这样的 才能,比如说我刚才提到的我的班长王强,他的模仿能力就是超群的,到任何一个地方,听任何一句话,听一遍模仿出来的绝对不会两样。所以他在北大广播站当播 音员当了整整四年。我每天听着他的声音,心头咬牙切齿充满仇恨。(笑声)所以,有天赋的人就像雄鹰。但是,大家也都知道,有另外一种动物,也到了金字塔的 顶端。那就是蜗牛。蜗牛肯定只能是爬上去。从低下爬到上面可能要一个月、两个月,甚至一年、两年。在金字塔顶端,人们确实找到了蜗牛的痕迹。我相信蜗牛绝 对不会一帆风顺地爬上去,一定会掉下来、再爬、掉下来、再爬。但是,同学们所要知道的是,蜗牛只要爬到金字塔顶端,它眼中所看到的世界,它收获的成就,跟 雄鹰是一模一样的。(掌声)所以,也许我们在座的同学有的是雄鹰,有的是蜗牛。我在北大的时候,包括到今天为止,我一直认为我是一只蜗牛。但是我一直在 爬,也许还没有爬到金字塔的顶端。但是只要你在爬,就足以给自己留下令生命感动的日子。(掌声)

我常常跟同学们说,如果我们的生命不为自己留下一些让自己热泪盈眶的日子,你的生命就是白过的。我们很多同学凭着优异的成绩进入了北大,但是北大绝不是你们学习的终点,而是你们生命的起点。在一岁到十八岁的岁月中间,你听老师的话、听父母的话,现在你真正开始了自己的独立生活。我们必须为自己创造一些让自己感动的日子,你才能够感动别人。我们 这儿有富裕家庭来的,也有贫困家庭来的,我们生命的起点由不得你选择出生在富裕家庭还是贫困家庭,如果你生在贫困家庭,你不能说老爸给我收回去,我不想在 这里待着。但是我们生命的终点是由我们自己选择的。我们所有在座的同学过去都走得很好,已经在十八岁的年龄走到了很多中国孩子的前面去,因为北大是中国的 骄傲,也可以说是世界的骄傲。但是,到北大并不意味着你从此大功告成,并不意味着你未来的路也能走好,后面的五十年、六十年,甚至一百年你该怎么走,成为 了每一个同学都要思考的问题。就本人而言,我觉得只要有两样东西在心中,我们就能成就自己的人生。

第 一样叫做理想。我从小就有一种感觉,希望穿越地平线走向远方,我把它叫做“穿越地平线的渴望”。也正是因为这种强烈的渴望,使我有勇气不断地高考。当然, 我生命中也有榜样。比如我有一个邻居,非常的有名,是我终生的榜样,他的名字叫徐霞客。当然,是五百年前的邻居。但是他确实是我的邻居,江苏江阴的,我也 是江苏江阴的。因为崇拜徐霞客,直接导致我在高考的时候地理成绩考了九十七分。(掌声)也是徐霞客给我带来了穿越地平线的这种感觉,所以我也下定决心,如 果徐霞客走遍了中国,我就要走遍世界。而我现在正在实现自己这一梦想。所以,只要你心中有理想,有志向,同学们,你终将走向成功。你所要做到的就是在这个 过程要有艰苦奋斗、忍受挫折和失败的能力,要不断地把自己的心胸扩大,才能够把事情做得更好。  

第 二样东西叫良心。什么叫良心呢?就是要做好事,要做对得起自己对得起别人的事情,要有和别人分享的姿态,要有愿意为别人服务的精神。有良心的人会从你具体 的生活中间做的事情体现出来,而且你所做的事情一定对你未来的生命产生影响。我来讲两个小故事,讲完我就结束我的讲话,已经占用了很长的时间。

第 一个小故事。有一个企业家和我讲起他大学时候的一个故事,他们班有一个同学,家庭比较富有,每个礼拜都会带六个苹果到学校来。宿舍里的同学以为是一人一 个,结果他是自己一天吃一个。尽管苹果是他的,不给你也不能抢,但是从此同学留下一个印象,就是这个孩子太自私。后来这个企业家做成功了事情,而那个吃苹 果的同学还没有取得成功,就希望加入到这个企业家的队伍里来。但后来大家一商量,说不能让他加盟,原因很简单,因为在大学的时候他从来没有体现过分享精 神。所以,对同学们来说在大学时代的第一个要点,你得跟同学们分享你所拥有的东西,感情、思想、财富,哪怕是一个苹果也可以分成六瓣大家一起吃。(掌声) 因为你要知道,这样做你将来能得到更多,你的付出永远不会是白白付出的。

我 再来讲一下我自己的故事。在北大当学生的时候,我一直比较具备为同学服务的精神。我这个人成绩一直不怎么样,但我从小就热爱劳动,我希望通过勤奋的劳动来 引起老师和同学的的注意,所以我从小学一年级就一直打扫教室卫生。到了北大以后我养成了一个良好的习惯,每天为宿舍打扫卫生,这一打扫就打扫了四年。所以 我们宿舍从来没排过卫生值日表。另外,我每天都拎着宿舍的水壶去给同学打水,把它当作一种体育锻炼。大家看我打水习惯了,最后还产生这样一种情况,有的时 候我忘了打水,同学就说“俞敏洪怎么还不去打水”。(笑声)。但是我并不觉得打水是一件多么吃亏的事情。因为大家都是一起同学,互相帮助是理所当然的。同 学们一定认为我这件事情白做了。又过了十年,到了九五年年底的时候新东方做到了一定规模,我希望找合作者,结果就跑到了美国和加拿大去寻找我的那些同学, 他们在大学的时候都是我生命的榜样,包括刚才讲到的王强老 师等。我为了诱惑他们回来还带了一大把美元,每天在美国非常大方地花钱,想让他们知道在中国也能赚钱。我想大概这样就能让他们回来。后来他们回来了,但是 给了我一个十分意外的理由。他们说:“俞敏洪,我们回去是冲着你过去为我们打了四年水。”(掌声)他们说:“我们知道,你有这样的一种精神,所以你有饭吃 肯定不会给我们粥喝,所以让我们一起回中国,共同干新东方吧。”才有了新东方的今天。(掌声)

人的一生是奋斗的一生,但是有的人一生过得很伟大有的人一生过得很琐碎。如果我们有一个伟大的理想,有一颗善良的心,我们一定能把很多琐碎的日子堆砌起来,变成一个伟大的生命。但是如果你每天庸庸碌碌,没有理想,从此停止进步,那未来你一辈子的日子堆积起来将永远是一堆琐碎。所以,我希望所有的同学能把自己每天平凡的日子堆砌成伟大的人生。(掌声)

最后,我代表全体老校友向在座的三千多位新生表一个心意,我代表全体老校友和新东方把两百万人民币捐给许校长,为在座同学们的学习、活动和成长提供一点帮助。(掌声)